Grow your comfort zone…

So, I went for my first psychologist appointment a couple of days ago.  What a whirlwind of thoughts going through my  mind.  Stop.

Stop.

Think.

Feel.

Be true to myself.

I have been thinking about a number of things that were discussed during my session.  The following are definitely true:

  • I need to start saying NO when I can’t do something, or don’t want to do something.

I am, and always have been a people pleaser.  Why?  Because I don’t want others to feel sad, let down, like they aren’t a priority to someone, that someone doesn’t care….  I am learning that I can’t always please everyone.  The more I try to split myself, th

e less I can do.  The more I try to bend over backwards for everyone else, the less I can focus on what’s truly important in MY life.  By no means am I going to stop being there for my friends and family – that’s not who I am.  I AM a caring person.  I am a helpful person. I choose to be. But I need to start prioritising me, my immediate family, and our goals.  Saying no does not make me mean, it does not mean that I don’t care.  It just means that at that time, no, I can’t.

14121422619_74115eeae6_o

  • I need to prioritise me more and set out my goals

I have goals.  Short term goals, long term goals, life goals…. And if I don’t start to prioritise me more, then I will never reach those goals.  If I don’t set aside time for me to study and make it clear to people that this is MY time to do MY thing, they won’t take me or my goals seriously.

  • My  comfort zone

I told my psychologist that I was trying to get out of my comfort zone – for example, I did a zipline recently.  It was short. It lasted all of about 20 seconds.  But I did it. I jumped off that pier and absolutely loved (almost) every second of it.  For some people it may sound silly, but I don’t care. I’m scared to hurt myself.  So, I’m now determined to do a handstand. And jump over a little ditch which I never would have.  But she made an interesting point to me.  And I like it.  Why am I trying to get OUT of my comfort zone?  Shouldn’t I rather be expanding my comfort zone?  Inviting things IN TO my comfort zone?  Yes, I think I like that better.  I feel like I have more control by saying that. I can still feel “safe” and not like I’m vulnerable –  because it is ME who is in control.

comfort

It’s been a good week with some interesting changes.  I can see these points working.

You cannot pour from an empty jug. You have to look after yourself if you want to provide holistically for your children.  While making a living is important…don’t forget that you also need too make a LIFE.

♥ L

Advertisements

Hands on Mother, Loving Wife, Career Woman, Student, Fitness Guru, Calm Carer…….now let’s talk about maintaining sanity

Where do I start?

Maybe I just need a rant.   Maybe it’s just life.  Maybe I’m just not strong enough.  Maybe I’m just trying my best.  Maybe I just need a hug.

“Make time for yourself”.  “But it’s important to have time for yourself”.  “Oh, couple time is critical”.   “Children grow up so fast, you have to enjoy and cherish every moment.”   “Please come to my sports event.” ” Urgh but you never give me any time”.  “But why won’t you come play now?” “I want a cuddle”.  “No one wants to talk to me”.  “Why’s this stain here?  Did you use something on it straight away?”. “How did that gutter get broken?” “You have to do extra reading to gain knowledge to get better in your job!” “Have you finished your assignment yet?” “But I’m an adult, I can do my own tablets – I’m not a child”.  “You’re not being fair!” “But why did he get to?” “I hate you”  “You’re not my mom”. “You don’t care”. “It’s your fault”. “you need to learn to say no”. “oh but fitness is so important”. “You need to MAKE time!”. “You can’t pour from an empty jug”

Typing these words out has just brought tears to my eyes.  These are the types of sentences and words I hear almost on a daily basis.

The more I try to juggle everything, the more I seem to be dropping the ball. Pressures left, right and centre.  Trying to make everyone happy.

      • My 13 year old stepson hates living  here.
      • My Gran  hates that I act as her carer – she has dementia.  She doesn’t know what she’s meant to be taking – therefore I have to give it to her.
      • My husband feels neglected.
      • My assignment has a deadline
      • My career depends on my qualification
      • My qualification takes time
      • I’m trying to fit in exercise – regular, structured exercise.
      • I’m raising a teenager, a pre-teen, and a 2 year old.
      • …………….

And that’s where I ended off typing this post almost a week ago.  

I couldn’t believe just how shitty I was feeling.  Just how much was on my shoulders.  Just how much I was letting it affect me.

Since then I have made some little changes.

  • The boys have set bed times – and I’m not wavering on that.  Not at all.
  • I have started cycling with my 10 year old, and walking next to my 2 year old while he rides his bicycle too – that’s two of my kiddies having some quality time with me – AND I get exercise at the same time…
  • My husband and I play calming music and just sit and chat.  Or don’t chat – just sit – together.  It’s lovely.
  • I have started colouring in again.
  • Hubby and I have discussed my qualification and the time it’s going to take me to do assignments, revise etc.  He’s told me he will stand by me and assist me in any way he can.

And already I feel much calmer.  We still have a fair way to go.  The eldest doesn’t want to walk/cycle with me, but that’s okay.  I know he’s also going through a tough time.

Looking forward to my psychologist appointment on Saturday….Here’s hoping it will help!

I wasn’t going to publish this post.  But I was encouraged to because maybe there’s someone else out there that will read it and feel similarly.  Maybe it will help someone else.

Writing really does  help!

♥  L

Don’t be ashamed

About six months ago, I had a bit of a scary incident which saw me in the A&E at my local hospital – emergency services thought I may be having a heart attack.  I saw a wonderful doctor who gave me an ECG, checked everything he had to check, and asked me various questions.

It wasn’t a heart attack.  It was a panic attack.

But I didn’t know I was having them.  I wasn’t having to hide in a dark corner, I wasn’t pacing nervously, I wasn’t bursting into tears regularly….but I was having panic attacks.  He explained that I was – unknowingly – hyperventilating.  Now, when someone says “hyperventilating” to me, I picture someone breathing in and out of a brown paper bag like in the cartoons and old movies.  He explained that my breathing was increased, which affected the oxygen and CO2 in my body which was affecting my brain…. and, long story short, causing me to have a tightening in my chest and a sense of panic though I hadn’t realised I was actually panicking.

I told him, now that I knew what it was, I wanted to try to deal with it myself – having discussed it with a professional, having had a professional tell me that actually, yes, my life is very stressful – especially at the age of 29, I felt that I could cope better.

I don’t like to complain about things in my life.  I don’t like to think I have stress and crap going on.  Especially when there are people out there with far bigger issues in their lives.  It makes me feel like I’m being selfish, like I’m self centred.  Well you know what?  Then so be it.  MY problems/stresses are MY problems/stresses.  It doesn’t make anyone elses less stressful for them, it doesn’t make mine more stressful than theirs.  Their stresses are for THEM to deal with, and mine are for ME.  I had to keep telling myself that it’s okay for me to feel stressed and down.  It’s okay to talk about my problems – heck, it’s better if I do, instead of bottling it all up.

you_are_no_failure

I tried for a month to cope by myself.  But I just wasn’t me.  I would snap at everyone too easily, I had no energy, I couldn’t even give a stranger a genuine smile…and that, weirdly enough, was what made me choose to make an appointment with my GP.  The fact that I fake smiled at a random stranger…..  Talk about wacky.  I have always greeted people with a smile – a genuine smile.  I believe – always have, always will – that a smile from someone random can improve your day.  And one day, a man walked past me, and I had to force a smile.  And I knew I was no longer me.  The doctor prescribed anti anxiety tablets and we discussed how they’d affect me, the fact we’d need a follow up, and also if I felt I needed any other assistance, to make an appointment.

The tablets worked.  It was amazing.  The stupid little things weren’t bugging me anymore.  I was a LOT more tolerant.  My husband noticed it.  My kids noticed it.  I noticed it.  I didn’t have  to fake smile anymore.  Did it solve my problem? No.  That’s a lot of work to come.  But it was a start.

Last month – May – I took the plunge and made an appointment to see a psychologist.  I have my first appointment in a weeks time.  Am I nervous?  Yes.  Am I excited?  Yes.  Am I determined? Yes.  Am I doing this for my family?  Yes.  But more so, I’m doing this for ME.

If you need help…. whether you are regularly sad, know you have a problem, need someone to talk to, do it.  It’s hard.  You feel alone, even though you know you’re not.  You feel lonely even though you are surrounded by people.  You feel sad but don’t necessarily know why.  The best thing I could have done, for my family and for me, was to ask for help.

Take that step.

It’s worth it.

L ♥

This is me.

I was suddenly driven today to write a blog  post.  I’m not a blogger.  I use Facebook and Instagram, but don’t tend to blog.  But I figured before I dive into a full on blog post, I should give a bit of a background to who I am.

I am Laura.  I am 29 years old (when did that happen?!).  Born in South Africa, but living very happily  in the UK.  I have one (not-so-little) brother.

I met my husband when I was thirteen.  We eventually started dating in 2010, got engaged in 2013 and tied the knot in July 2014.  I have three sons.  The two eldest are my step sons, and the youngest is mine and my husbands together.

15202518_1216993818336895_3166636158305116850_n

18664703_1416778245025117_9219397579649952159_n